My job n' stuff

It's easy to get discouraged at a dead-end job like mine. As some of you may know, I was recently employed at a social research unit at a university. Basically we interview people over the phone about important issues regarding health, politics, safety, education etc and collect these opinions for research. I despise almost everything about it. Sitting down for hours on end between those soviet grey cubicle walls, the anxious pit in my stomach after I dial a number wondering what kind of person I'm going to get, getting scolded by people who think we're telemarketers or who have confidentiality concerns (even after explaining to them everything they need to know about the study in the intro), and worse of all, having nobody pick up at all and feeling like a failure for getting no completions. (I just hate forcing people to do things!!) And most days it's just cold as hell in there and that clock just won't fucking move.

...Sorry this came out a lot more negative than I intended for it to be but whateva it's my blog. Don't get me wrong, I truly am grateful that I even have a job and the opportunities it's giving me for professional development and personal growth, but sometimes I just need to rant!

 I enjoy really dumb things about it like walking around with my folder and coffee because it makes me feel all grown-up. But spinning around in my computer chair is always the highlight of my work day! (Insert sarcastic emoji face) Most of my co-workers are bomb and without them I probably would have set myself on fire already.

So like I said, we do interviews based on a variety of topics, and one of the prompts I'm doing right now is about elderly abuse, which is probably one of the hardest. It's extremely nerve-wracking and a lot of the questions are sensitive, repetitive and fucking awkward to ask. For instance: "Has anyone touched you in a sexual way against your will?" or "Has anyone burned or scalded you in the last 12 months?" "Have you been physically, psychologically or verbally abused?" "Can you tell more about what happened?" Yikes. D: Although it is difficult, and thankfully I haven't gotten that many severe cases, I am so glad that my supervisors dealt me these cards. The elders on the phone whom I've spoken to that have actually experienced such mistreatment have actually confided in me and these phone calls can last for hours. Yup, it's intense! It is extremely unfortunate and depressing what these people went through/are going through and I cannot even begin to fathom why the fuck somebody would put such an innocent and fragile human being through such trauma. Sometimes the stories of neglect and abuse are so horrific I end up crying in my cubicle and not being able to sleep that night praying that the person will be okay. Y'all are probably itching for details, but I gave these people my word about keeping it confidential ya know. I'd like to think of myself as a very empathetic and kindhearted person, so it does not bother me at all that somebody who I have never met face-to-face who lives miles away trusts me enough with their problems. And I am always more than willing to listen to them no matter how long it takes, because sometimes these people have nobody else. Although we've never met, I always feel like I develop a bond with them. Their strength and wisdom is admirable. What keeps me going at this job the most is the fact that we might save a life that day whether it be through our services, our words of encouragement or just by simply listening to them. (Of course we always provide them with help, online resources and telephone numbers for social workers and such for all cases) I guess that's another thing that keeps me sane between those soviet grey walls. 

Yeah this entry took an unexpected turn and I'm all over the place. Oh well!

Make Up Shaming

I often hear things like "She wears too much make up!" and "Make up should be illegal, it's unfair and deceiving to men!" and "Girls who wear make up are fake." As an aspiring make up artist, (and a girl) these statements are obviously very offensive to me and make up wearers in general. Why does it bother people so much when another person wears make up? Have you ever considered that we do it for ourselves, that it is an art form and way to express ourselves, it's hella fun to apply, and getting dolled up just gives that extra boost of confidence? Its a great way to accentuate one's features and hide some minor flaws. I'm all for embracing natural beauty, and I think we all should, but kudos to that person who had the patience to wake up 2 hours early to look extra cute. And if men are so worried about being "deceived", why not go for the girl who is bare faced? At the end of the day, if you're truly in love with somebody you're going to fall in love with their soul and accept them for who they are in all aspects. I don't think people have the right to assume that we're trying to deceive them by putting on make up. Staying true to who you are on the inside is the most attractive thing a person can do no matter what the peanut gallery has to say. Besides, who is stupid enough to think that a girl is born with purple lids and winged black liner on them?

Hellur

Um.. So.. um hi. My name is Carol. I'm super awkward and I have no idea what the crap I am writing so just go with it. So with all of my friends and family members at school/work (I don't start until January) I have too much free time on my hands when I'm not working. So with my lack of social life, I've decided to try doing something more constructive with this spare time aside from immersing myself in Game of Thrones, Criminal Minds, Orange is the New Black etc while stuffing my face. Writing (and reading) used to be a passion of mine, and my writing skills used to be semi-decent, until you know.. good shows happened and stuff. (Where am I going with this?) I don't know. I don't even expect anyone to read these but writing used to be therapeutic for me and I guess I'd like to practice my writing and use this as another emotional outlet for the feelings that I often keep bottled up, and share my goals and life experiences and whatnot. (Again, where am I going with this? I make no sense.) Well yeah, well here's my blog. And this is my first journal entry. And if I'm feeling more ballsy, I might even attach this to my twitter and put myself out there for the whole world to see and laugh at what a lame person I am. So yeah My name is Carol. I like coffee and onion rings and eyeliner and lipstick and good tv and I'm nervous as fuck 24/7. How was that for an intro? (This is harder than I thought geez) Lets see how the next entries will be oh God.